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10:29pm 24/12/2006

The same rush of frost and wind
In a similar snow-white chaos
Noses red, squinted eyes 
Against the familiar quickening
Of a chilling, charging breeze
Gloves of polar fleece
Or something newer
Warm the same frigid fingers 

Candlelit windows in empty neighborhoods
Warm the way back home
With modern electric charm
Yellow light pools onto shadowed drifts
From behind flowered curtains
Where no fireplace burns
But a television flickers 
Dimly lighting faces of kids who don’t read books anymore
And parents who don’t know to care

Every holiday is in Technicolor now
I’m sure there was a time when things were different
Outside, the chill is the same
But synthetic warmth inside
Doesn’t quite defrost me
     Read 1 - Post
02:38am 30/11/2006
  you can't help what you love

when the stages show up
of my super human qualities
my flow is easier and i
am alive
invincible is going
to be my ruin
and we all know i'm loving it
i bring it on like wind flows around
and more often than the shade
because i know i'm brighter at heart
than i allow myself to be

oh my dear sweet charasmatic catalyst
oh my personality drools
at just the sight of you

oh fed up
fed up
fed up
oh fed up mean....
oh but I
cannot die from
i wish i
i wish i
i wish i could
just fly away and live
live alive like this
alive and fine like this
oh I bet my mind
I wish.

this powerful dose of sweetness
help me deal and be perfect
body euphoria and personal mental clarity
bring me and call my name in the siren song,
of chanting colors and names
next to my clean colored reagent
my night, morning,
afternoon, evening, morning
Then Dream
schedule makes me
conquer, experience, see,

oh my dear sweet charasmatic catalyst
oh my personality drools
at just the sight of you

when I feel the blood flow
through my veins and my tendons
my muscles wobble and
my jaw grinds on the answer
I am super human again.

oh my dear sweet charasmatic catalyst
oh my personality drools
at just the sight of you

oh fed up
fed up
fed up
oh fed up mean...
but i
cannot die from
i wish i could just fly away and
live alive and fine like this
oh I bet my mind
I wish.
11:29pm 30/10/2006
  Cut me with your steely eyes,
Suffocate me with your smile
Begging for your attentions,
I lie hoping for a better life

Loneliness smothers me,
Hides the light in pure darkness,
Drowns my happiness,
Kills my hope

Wanting you, I breathe no more,
Why does my heart still beat?
I’d love to touch you
If only for one second

I beg for your attentions
Wanting you in my life
Your face is so welcoming
Your eyes don’t tell that lie.
08:43pm 30/10/2006
  Mr. Hunt likes to go for walks on the weekends
by the beach and the sea, through you and me
in old jeans and shoes, a rosary wrist
sporting jackets keep him formal
for indeed Mr. Hunt
does fit with the sand, a strong man made of a thousand tiny rocks
and a fragmented quizzical brow
Constancy shattered on the cliffs of a hundred shipwrecked mermaids
his sand mouth ponders
where their tales went, dipped back into the sea
seaweed coals in forgotten faces drown him
(from time to time) so he beached a bonfire
with seaweed as kindling.

03:16am 21/09/2006
  Slipping. Fading.
Drifting away,
with seldom faking,
and showing the praise.

I go into defense mode
and always wonder why;
this motion's going
up and modes are going
to start flying by.

The little rips that
go the hardest
always make my day,
and it seems the larger
ones that make my spasms
occur are always on
their way.

Making it seem like my
glass stand is full
and basic of natures,
I go about this daily
retreat of only the simplest

How am I making it by?
This time of the night
is when all the arousals
of the day come to light.
My inner sight is developed
into a new thing that shows
me beauty in all sorts of sights.

Oh, perhaps this epic
of woe and sorrow comes to me
so naturally,
but I feel the relief
of the wind when it comes up
so effervescent before me.

I just pull the windows up to
feel this cool night air, and
I'm curious as to what you're
thinking when you feel the
exact same lit up on your face.

And I think change comes, and
change only comes when it's curious.
Change comes, and it only comes
when we're worrisome, so pack up
your things because the cold wind
brings the itch to up and leave.
Shake It Off 
05:03am 14/09/2006
  Save this recording
because I'm soon going
to be long gone. I'll
be in a world where
something is happening,
and it's always wrong.
Silly thing is because
I'm not coming back home,
maybe I've hauled my
peak and now I'm left to
wandering alone.
Happenings come by and
then they fly off and
go to places where they
will never consider home,
but I'm left here pondering
why everything is shown.
Making peace with Venus.. 
11:37am 12/09/2006
I lost this.
I let it all go.
I swept this blanket death ~
Over everything that I thought I could ever know.

I bear it all in silence.
The pain.
This bliss.
The internal hell ~
And this holy release..

Because you would not understand.
This world, it is fleeting for you.
People and feelings are varying shades of grey.

You would not grasp what it is that I am doing now.
What I am killing or why.
And I wanted to talk to you ~
But apathy, detachment, and pride seem to be the common rule.

Perhaps we are dying.
Perhaps we have not yet begun.
Why is it that every friendship of depth ~
Is always traveled in blood?

Conditioning is a bitch.
Ego, a warm chain.
I broke the walls of that shell ~
And I look around wondering if anything was what I thought it was.

Is there a road back?
And would I honestly want to take it?
To have to swallow the denials ~
To remain beneath that deceitful blanket..

I am turning inward, and outward again ~
I am changing so swiftly.
And I fear that you and I will not recognise one another in another year's time.

So much change.
I question if I can manage this.
It never seems to end for me.
And I weary at times of this razor-edged form of bliss.

There are moments when I long for some sort of emotional stability.
A place of calm ground.
And I realise then, that when you step outside of the fence ~
What you took for in truth is nothing more than a conditioned vice.

Defy it, and find silence.
Exist within it, and all is well.

So I let go of us.
I am releasing this.
And I am flying toward its center.
I can't find my way back home until I complete this.
Until I shake off your conditioning, and I take this risk..

No apologies, for who I am meant to be.
The only thing that matters here, is that I remain free.

To let you go, to acknowledge this ~
And to find my way backward, to make my peace with Venus.
Ergot Outbreaks 
02:35am 12/09/2006
I become like a
playing discs
outside my mind
which I don't have
any control over.
Put on the spindle
by an outside genius;
I see I have no
control over me.

In this
I try to find a place
for me to be,
searcing and these
test tubes just
seem to get in
the way.

Dirty tricks of
an intelligence
far beyond our own.
I feel the drip down
my spine, and the
crystals freeze along
my nerves. Again
it begins, I feel
this potential.

The potential
for development
in this field has the
capability of an enemy,
but I find myself
everything as easily
as my best friend's
tone of voice.

Super secret units
of very small importance
are shipped and
recieved daily
between those of us
on the underground;
from down low in the
world of sharper sounds.

These dreams just seem
to pass through me, uplift
me and open a whole new
range of sight for me.
Agency gathered intelligence
is transmitted through me,
poppies are leaving and
the pods are breathing.

As the people of interest
in this memo explain, my
department of listening is
expanded again. I have a private
practice of jumping around and I
dance so much better
when these sights are abound.
05:13am 31/08/2006
  when i'm jumping up and down
this lighter lets a mist
of flames and sprays my whole self down
and now i'm just pissed

i'm just heaving up this switch
and now i'm hustling
to get finished
it's like i don't
even exist
this really shaky sound
of falling and getting hit
is meaning to start a bit
of colors in its midst
it's just like the glasses are
but now, it's barely hissed

fluff and stuff
goes stick to me
and now i just snip
falling on the flat surface
and now i'm going to ship

and then i just jump up and down
and now i fall onto the ground
it's over before
i could've just had

lace and ice swift
get me some see through
primer and some hits
before i'm too fit.
05:20am 26/08/2006
mood: awake
i am up and
leaning for most hitch
i want to get ripped
i fall and then slip
i wonder how it works
and then i just limp

oh i can't sleep
fabulous, i just leave
my soul and my brain
go up and then heave
it's like i'm in heat
blistering and over
over it's going slipping
up and down and slop around

this isn't a lost and found
it's all just a game
i'm jumping up and down
and falling in the space
left in between
hood and my sleep
blanket over me
and my pillow's getting weak

found this in me
explores from within
goes out and jumps around
and falls down again
want to just rest
follow up is just a mess
and going in the circles
of rounds of lesser hex

this is not my hand
my brain is not the same
i fight to suffer age
as i stage the upper land
the chips i see for real
i'm about that deal
that comes once around
and then jumps down
as of yet untitled 
05:16am 23/08/2006
  my favorite hallucinogen as of late
has been
the natural trip of depriving myself of sleep

becoming my muse as of late
actually . . . .

Oh, I'll take a little cap nap or power nap,
during the day
or the wee hours of the morning...
oh sweet lack of sleeep

I noctournal up all night in the fake light
bulbs burning bright
I read, I see, I deep think with this haze

So I feel an uncontrollable urge to just jump out
and devour words, or have them pour out
and dump out flowing ouch
ouch ouch out in the wind

oh perhaps visuals aren't
no kick-start tonight, flipping
out on lack of sleep
i just think these things to me
10:39pm 14/08/2006
  Dig deeper, but not too deep:
You don't know what's down there...
The thoughts that keep you awake at night
Are waiting if you dare
Ashes and dust, broken promises,
Lies told on the surface, lying beneath
Don't you want the truth?
Flood waters or forgotten mothers:
Who destroyed your childhood?
And how in the world did you
Turn out to be so good?

Dig deeper, but not too deep
The price is steep when buying memories...
The good ones are cheap:a dime a dozen
Take as many as you'd like
The ones with broken dinner plates
And songs he hates, now broken records
Cost more...plus interest.
Or the time when you almost died
But they only cried when paying the bill
(The price of some memories break the bank.)

Dig deeper, but not too deep
You might pierce your heart
And watch it all fall apart
Over....and over.....and over again.
Brides to be having sex over tea
Promising one for the night
Right here, right now
Then promising another the next day with a vow.
Promising to never leave you
Then next deceive you by letting never end.

Dig deeper but not too deep
You may slip and fall
And slit your wrist
And write in blood on the walls
If a girl falls in a lonely hall
Does she make a sound?
If she cried out loud
Would you hear her
Or would you whisper about her
When she's not around?

Dig deeper but not too deep
Or they all will know
That your life's been a show
That you've been pretending
To be mending your broken seams.
That it's not really what it seems.
That your a prisoner in your own mind
Not able to find your way out

Dig deeper but not too deep
Or you'll make your escape
Back to the real world
Where people are raped
And private conversations are taped
And held against you in a court of law
Where millions saw you on TV
What an unrealistic reality....

Dig deeper, but not too deep
Or you'll find the answers to
These questions in your mind
Only to find it was better
Living in ignorant bliss.
Under the Thunder 
09:34pm 09/07/2006
mood: crappy
I'm new here, If anyone can give me feedback please do....

My hands are unmistakeably shaky
I butt out my cigarette
Why fret?
A worry is only a wonder turned nasty
Your eyes caress me as thunder blasts
Hot, wet rain
You claimed me once before
Silky kisses at midnight
Faint milky moon in the late afternoon
It ended too soon
Like a slow Sunday kidnapped by Monday

We sit here- reminiscing, dismissing innuendos
A crescendo of wind whipping at windows,
Howling with pleasure.
I stare at your treasure-box
Broken cigarettes, extra-long blue rizzla
Delicately rubbing forefinger and thumb
You crumble your weed, picking out seeds,
Flicking them onto the floor at your feet.

We’re covered in smothering darkness
Eyes speak of a lost closeness
Half smiles, lingering glances
Questions left with no answers
Beautiful moments,
Lost chances

The rain casts dancing shadows
Sporadic semi quavers
The storm is a symphony,
Hidden love is the antiphony
Silent screams of emotion
Unspoken, neurotic compulsions
I love you
Unrelentingly, deep like the ocean

I dare to stare at oval fingernails gracing elegant fingers
Manly yet soft;
My thoughts mingle and rise,
Aloft, circling with swirls of green smoke.
The yolks of your eyes dance in red mist
Kissed by the fog that enfolds and persists
You drink in my every feature
I am the student; you are the teacher,
An artist and preacher for all things sensual.

Eventually the rain stops
The atmosphere is tangled in knots
And I hold back my feelings with all that I’ve got.

Words by Nina Khadija
     Read 2 - Post
12:47pm 31/03/2006
  Image hosting by Photobucket  
12:44pm 31/03/2006
09:11pm 26/02/2006
  I am from radio flyer, three-wheeled,
red; raced imagination to a
finish line obscured by time.
Still haven’t made it.
I am from play dough and Barbie,
Plastic Ken didn’t exist
-or just wasn’t missed by
feminist toys.
I am from tire swing
tangled hair and green dress
spin faster than make believe.
Knees to chin: fetal safety.
Still spinning.
Dizzier than tree house
first kisses turned all-
American atheist princess
turned Buddhist
turned spiritual
turned cynic
I have grown from dark
wells as deep as a feeling
Chai tea and grapefruit,
extra sugar on bad days.
I have grown into watermelon
seeds and deck rails that splinter
bare feet. Play grown-up,
dress-up with wit and stilettos.
Summer nights streak mascara
daring; playing grown-up
isn’t just a game anymore.
I am a confident experiment:
Lipstick mood swings are purple
like Prince’s reign
Kisses leave bruise bands
Branded— disguise;
I am mine, if only for tonight.
     Read 4 - Post
First Post Here 
12:26am 30/01/2006
mood: girly
To All the Girls in the World

Her worries worsen when her back
Is turned. In perfect words, she learns
Thier whispers make her nervous.
She learns to trace the walls and face
The girls--to never turn--and track
Her way home backwards.
Reversed into a bed at night
That isn't hers: she'll bed her back
To never let it burn.

Add me! rozmova
     Read 8 - Post
08:51pm 26/01/2006
  So, I've never written poetry before and I wanted to know what people who don't know me think.....have at it!

Looking up you see the ground
Somehow life turned you upside down
Things can change so fast
Your silence has been deafening me
Your darkness so blinding I can hardly see
How long will you let this last?
Take a look at the world around you
See life with a panoramic view
Put down the mirror.
Focus on here.
Magnify now.
Can't change the past but know it worked out
What we have in our hands is all we can hold
Be bold! Bright as the sun!
Know the divine in you and me makes us one
And I will always catch you.
Nothing and no one to fear but yourself
Is no way to gain your Spiritual wealth
Smell the rain out in a thunderstorm
Instead of staying in for safety and warmth
LIFE is happening outside!
Children coming into the world
First kisses, near misses
Stuck inside you miss the show
Put down your cup if insecurity and see
This amazing crazy show with me
Theres blood and guts, Pain and sadness,
Love and passion, childish madness
Sights and sounds still unheard to your ear
SEE, theres nothing to fear.
Nothing to fear.
Laugh, smile, whisper kiss,
The best things to do with your beautiful lips
So clean your slate
Clear your mind
Empty your closet, let your soul unwind.


Get your feet back on the ground.


Look up and see the sky..
     Read 1 - Post
inspiration lost. 
04:14am 13/01/2006
  what do you ladies do when all inspiration seems to have flown out the window?  
     Read 4 - Post
07:55pm 11/01/2006
  with god as my witness, i make my last statement
scrawling in perfection has died
this wrath excludes justice and fair moral play
as we writhe in the explanation and fly
hallucinogens help what you haven't found
to be your real choice as of yet
the discrimination of the clinic you hound
saves the lives of us every night
     Read 2 - Post