tastetheair (tastetheair) wrote in girlpoets,

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Under the Thunder

I'm new here, If anyone can give me feedback please do....

My hands are unmistakeably shaky
I butt out my cigarette
Why fret?
A worry is only a wonder turned nasty
Your eyes caress me as thunder blasts
Hot, wet rain
You claimed me once before
Silky kisses at midnight
Faint milky moon in the late afternoon
It ended too soon
Like a slow Sunday kidnapped by Monday

We sit here- reminiscing, dismissing innuendos
A crescendo of wind whipping at windows,
Howling with pleasure.
I stare at your treasure-box
Broken cigarettes, extra-long blue rizzla
Delicately rubbing forefinger and thumb
You crumble your weed, picking out seeds,
Flicking them onto the floor at your feet.

We’re covered in smothering darkness
Eyes speak of a lost closeness
Half smiles, lingering glances
Questions left with no answers
Beautiful moments,
Lost chances

The rain casts dancing shadows
Sporadic semi quavers
The storm is a symphony,
Hidden love is the antiphony
Silent screams of emotion
Unspoken, neurotic compulsions
I love you
Unrelentingly, deep like the ocean

I dare to stare at oval fingernails gracing elegant fingers
Manly yet soft;
My thoughts mingle and rise,
Aloft, circling with swirls of green smoke.
The yolks of your eyes dance in red mist
Kissed by the fog that enfolds and persists
You drink in my every feature
I am the student; you are the teacher,
An artist and preacher for all things sensual.

Eventually the rain stops
The atmosphere is tangled in knots
And I hold back my feelings with all that I’ve got.

Words by Nina Khadija
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This is beautiful.
I really love the line "Faint milky moon in the late afternoon
It ended too soon
Like a slow Sunday kidnapped by Monday"
It's a little rythmey at the beginning which kinda grinds on me when compared to the easy flow of the rest, but I think that out loud (or the way you intended it) it works.
The ending is fabulous.
I like how it let's my senses reach for more, but pulls them back gently.
I hope to see more of your stuff!

Yeah, I know what u mean about the rhythm- some of my other stuff has been like that too but I'm tryna let my style develop a bit more from the nursery rhyme kinda style- thanks though