Oraasen (oraasen) wrote in girlpoets,

Making peace with Venus..

I lost this.
I let it all go.
I swept this blanket death ~
Over everything that I thought I could ever know.

I bear it all in silence.
The pain.
This bliss.
The internal hell ~
And this holy release..

Because you would not understand.
This world, it is fleeting for you.
People and feelings are varying shades of grey.

You would not grasp what it is that I am doing now.
What I am killing or why.
And I wanted to talk to you ~
But apathy, detachment, and pride seem to be the common rule.

Perhaps we are dying.
Perhaps we have not yet begun.
Why is it that every friendship of depth ~
Is always traveled in blood?

Conditioning is a bitch.
Ego, a warm chain.
I broke the walls of that shell ~
And I look around wondering if anything was what I thought it was.

Is there a road back?
And would I honestly want to take it?
To have to swallow the denials ~
To remain beneath that deceitful blanket..

I am turning inward, and outward again ~
I am changing so swiftly.
And I fear that you and I will not recognise one another in another year's time.

So much change.
I question if I can manage this.
It never seems to end for me.
And I weary at times of this razor-edged form of bliss.

There are moments when I long for some sort of emotional stability.
A place of calm ground.
And I realise then, that when you step outside of the fence ~
What you took for in truth is nothing more than a conditioned vice.

Defy it, and find silence.
Exist within it, and all is well.

So I let go of us.
I am releasing this.
And I am flying toward its center.
I can't find my way back home until I complete this.
Until I shake off your conditioning, and I take this risk..

No apologies, for who I am meant to be.
The only thing that matters here, is that I remain free.

To let you go, to acknowledge this ~
And to find my way backward, to make my peace with Venus.
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